I can’t actually believe that it’s only been five days since I wrote my last blog update on my life, so much has happened! To the extent that I actually found myself thinking yesterday morning “it’s probably a good thing that the rugby isn’t on, I probably wouldn’t be able to watch it!” Of course I will feel a massive hole in my life later on this afternoon but I have plenty of work to be getting on with which brings me nicely to the subject of this post…trusting God.
Like I said, this week has been incredibly busy and tiring (and I did spend Wednesday feeling completely drained as a result). Some things have been fun (I loved being able to go to the fireworks this year (including my first mulled wine of the season), breakfast with Tim, cooking dinner for Harriet, spending the morning talking about my beloved Paris and meeting up with my darling Kate after four months were all terrific). Others have been not as fun. The seven hour national express journey being one of them. The group interview being another. And finally, breaking down on Wednesday afternoon.
Now the reason for my breakdown was very simple: I was overtired and overwhelmed. I had been to London and back the day before for a group interview and felt drained. It didn’t help that I had basically undergone every emotion possible on the coach journey home. From my perspective, the interview did not go well. I dislike group interviews intensely and felt pretty rubbish afterwards. So much so that the last leg of my journey was spent listening to Taylor and trying to convince myself to “shake it off” (I kid you not). And then on Wednesday morning I found out that I had made it through to the second round and so disappointment was replaced by elation. As I thought it all through Wednesday afternoon the uncertainty and tiredness hit me. I’ve been through the whole feeling excited about a new job/moving to London followed by crushing disappointment before and it is so difficult to trust God in it again. I have no idea what the outcome of Monday will be.
And when I think about what I might have to do following Monday’s outcome, I just want to crawl under my duvet and hide. I might get offered a job in which case I will have to make a decision (ugh) and try and find a place to live and pack up my life again. I might be offered neither job in which case it will be back to the drawing board again.
But in all this I trust in the God of Romans 28 who promises to use all things for my good and his glory. I don’t know why God is giving me these interviews at this time in London. Maybe it is to give me a job. Maybe it’s to show me the skills that he’s given me and to encourage me to place my confidence and trust in him. Maybe it’s that he just wants me to meet new people who don’t yet know Jesus. Maybe it’s partly to encourage dear friends like Kate. Maybe it’s to show me that in every trial he can be trusted. Whatever his reasons are, I know that ultimately he will use this time to make me like Jesus. And so I will fight for joy…and trust in his plan.
Until next time,
Helen.
fightingforjoy 